Regrets
by Shadaloo
Summary: The final thoughts of Skywarp, as he floats through space after being thrown from Astrotrain during the events of Transformers: The Movie. Previously posted on Seibertron.com


_Well, here I am._

_It's the year 2005, by Earth's count._

_Here we are._

_I think we're in sector SLB-45 now, but I can't be sure. Don't know how long we've been drifting, but that's my best guess._

_I always thought it'd be different, you know? Go out in a blaze of glory on the battlefield, or something. Not this. This is just...sad._

_I think the worst part is, I don't even know who to place the better part of the blame on for this. But, it definitely comes down to one of two people; Starscream or Megatron. They're both responsible, but I ain't sure who I'm more pissed at right now. At the moment, I'm getting what enjoyment I can out of imagining things I could do to that whiny, cowardly, self-serving little petro-rabbit with an energo-sword, a laser scalpel, and some time in a locked room. He's always been willing to sacrifice anything and everything, to get himself what he wants. He's the greediest 'bot I've ever seen, no question about it. He's almost gotten us all killed, on a number of occasions._

_But whose fault is that, anyway?_

_Megatron's, that's who. I mean, he's a good leader and everything, powerful as they come, cunning, and ruthless to his enemies. I once saw him blow the head off of an Autobot who turned traitor, bringing strategic battle info to us in hopes of a reward. Yeah, he got his reward all right...Megs gave it to him. But...that was way before, or Cybertron, so long ago. Maybe it's my imagination, but...seems like these past few years on Earth have changed him. Altered his logic circuits, or something. Maybe that's it...something must have happened to him when we all crashed in the Autobots' ship. He was never so lenient in the old days. I still can't believe that he didn't blast Screamer's diodes out after that time he tried to throw the whole Earth into the sun. He would have killed us all! We even had to cooperate with the Autobots to get out of that mess...how low can you get? And that time Megatron had us steal the...what was it again..? What did the fleshlings call it? 'Empire State Building?' ...What kind of a plan was that? Yeah, something definitely happened to Megatron in the crash, you can bet your boosters on that. He's been gettin' sloppy, making too many mistakes. There are times when I think that maybe, just maybe, after I got woken up by the computer on the Autobots' ship, I should have just blasted him and Starscream into slag, revived the other guys, and..._

_...no, no, what am I thinking? Maybe he's got a few glitches, but he's still one of the best commanders any 'Con could hope for. I don't regret reviving him, despite his errors._

_But...I suppose he's learned from them now, hasn't he? Looking at him now, it's hard to imagine him not feeling any regret for letting that traitor live._

_Starscream...I often wonder what goes through his central processor. Does he actually think he'll make a better leader than Megatron? He was a scientist before the war, not a gladiator like Megs. He hasn't got what it takes. He's got power, he's got cunning, sure, but he doesn't have the drive. If the chips were down, he'd abandon his troops first chance he'd get. Slaggin' coward...I should have put a bullet in his back that last time he boarded the space bridge. Me and Thundercracker could have taken him, easy._

_Heh....he's probably crazy, too. Every time Megatron had some little problem, he'd take it as a sign that he was the wonderful, shiny new leader of the Decepticons. Primus, he could have put a trademark on that phrase, 'new leader', he used it so often. I remember that time we were all short of Cybertonium, and Megatron couldn't speak properly. The first thing he did was announce his new position. I still can't believe it. Couldn't he have given it a rest, kept it in check, just once? Or was he just that glitched up? Frenzy once told me that he said he'd rule the universe, even if he was the last sentient being in it. What's it the Earthlings say...? 'He's not rowing with both oars'? Heh heh heh...silly little fleshlings._

_...wow, we sure have drifted far. I can't even see the solar system, now, couldn't name a sector even if I tried._

_ ...Hey...are we actually going faster, or...?_

_...Nah, must be my imagination._

_..._

_...Makes me wonder who'll be the leader, now that Megs is gone. Sure, Starscream is second in command, but he won't last. I bet someone'll take him out halfway into his coronation. Maybe Dirge, Ramjet and Thrust'll do it...they can't stand him, either...heck, no one can. Or maybe Soundwave...yeah, Soundwave. He was one of Megatron's few friends. They trusted each other, and he won't let this go unpunished. He won't attack him outright, but he'll organize an ambush or something. Something sneaky. Heh....that creepy bugger. Not many people really like him much either, but he's way more popular than Starscream. Well...if he does, I wish him luck...._

_Seriously though, there's a couple of candidates...Straxus, maybe? Naw, he's off on some mission around Penthos-15, been gone for vorns. Won't be back for a while. Bludgeon, perhaps? Or maybe Shockwave. Yeah, Shockwave would make a decent leader. He's loyal to Megatron too; no way he'll let Starscream get away with this. He'll toss him into the smelting pool for sure._

_..._

_It's so cold out here...my joints are freezing up.... not that I can move them anyway. I can't feel my right leg. Can feel my left wing, though...huge crack in it, hurts so much. I'm dented all over._

_I wonder what it'll be like, to be deactivated. Some fleshlings say that when you stop functioning, your spark...or soul, as they call it...goes somewhere else, to be happy...or to be tortured...for eternity. If that's true, what'll happen to me? I've deactivated so many in my life..._

_Does Primus really exist? If so, will he forgive me for my deeds? I was just following orders...._

_Other fleshlings say you get reactivated, after you get deactivated, but in a different chassis, different form. What will mine be like, if that's true? Do we remember who we were?_

_I…I'm scared. I'm more frightened than I've ever been in my life…_

_...Argh, why am I thinking these things? I've never believed in any gods or whatever...it's because I'm so low on energy, so low on fuel...I can't think straight..._

_May as well reactivate my optics again, look around. See how the rest of us are..._

_Oh, this is bad. Real bad._

_Megatron's up ahead, more or less in one piece, but he's cracked all over. I've never seen him look so bad. But his optics are glowing, he's hanging on for all he's worth._

_I can see two of the insecticons to my right, Kickback and Bombshell. I can honestly say that I have no clue whether or not they're the actual insecticons, or just clones, but…half of Bombshell's faceplate is gone, and his right optic is missing. His left arm is split almost in half. Kickback...Kickback's lost all color. He's gone._

_In the distance, further to my left, I can see Shrapnel. He's too far off, can't tell how he is._

_I'm turning over, slowly...should be looking behind me again...now._

_There he is...my war buddy, Thundercracker. We've been through this whole thing together, he and I. Joined the Decepticons around the same time…now, looks like we'll go out together, too._

_He sure looks awful. I wonder if I look as bad…. Both his wings are dented all to slag, his chest has a pretty big hole in it, and he's looking pretty banged up in general._

_We used to have fun, in the war's early days. I used to get him to come along with me, and play pranks on the other deceps…like that time we put that unstable molecule pack in Starscream's energon cube…I won't forget how he ran around holding what was left of his jaw in his hand, making unintelligible pleas for help...haha…_

_Or…or that time when we loosened the screws on Megatron's seat on the Nemesis' bridge! Hahahahaaaa…he leaned back, flipped over, and bounced halfway down the corridor!!! I swear, if he had ever found out it was us, we'd have been scrap in a couple of breems…._

_Or when I convinced 'Cracker to help me lower that hollow lead cylinder on top of Rumble. He was stuck so tight, he couldn't move. We got such a reprimand, but seeing the look on his face after being stuck in that thing for ten mega-cycles was worth it! Heh heh…ha hah haa…._

_I picked on him a lot, but the truth is…I already miss that little virus. I wonder if he'll miss me, too?_

_Maybe they'll send someone back out to get us…?_

_No….no…even if Astrotrain would want to turn around and come back for us after he refuels back home – which he wouldn't – he couldn't find us…we're too far off…besides…he'll be under orders from Starscream to remain at H.Q. Probably Blast Off, too…no…ain't gonna be no rescue party coming for us._

_Turning over, again…Megatron's still the same…still can't see Shrapnel…_

_And…it looks like Bombshell has joined Kickback._

_…I wonder what his last thoughts were…probably about consuming something or other…two, probably three down, four, probably three to go…I don't think Shrapnel could have held on this long…_

_…_

_Thundercracker looks miserable. Well, so am I, but…not much else you can be, when you know you're deactivating soon._

_He's looking over here, now, probably doing the same thing I am._

_I wonder if he remembers all those jokes we made about Starscream, and all the Autobots who were better suited to lead the Deceps than he was. I think we were unanimous…that little yellow one could probably do a way better job._

_I'll make a gesture…or try to…I can't talk, sound can't travel in a vacuum…_

_There…took so much energy, but he sees. He smiles. He's doing the same…closing the fist…extending the thumb upwards…I'm smiling, and he is, too. Hope he's trying to think about the good times…I think it helps. We've played so many pranks, saved each other's lives so often…there's a lot to think about._

_Heh…he even surprised me once, when he sent that set of duo-optic boosters to Shockwave. What was really funny was, the freakin' cyclops didn't even get it! I still remember what he said… 'Not only has there been no recent occasion in which would it be suitable to offer me a gift of any sort, the nature of my visual system prevents me from putting it to use. Furthermore, my optic functions are all in perfect working order."_

_That was a riot, even Dirge was chuckling._

_Those were the days…_

_If only I could see Cybertron again…one more time…it was so nice before the war. I miss it so much, sometimes. I'd like to…take a stroll through Crystal City…maybe fly above the corridors of Iacon…just one more time…_

_It just gets to the point where I can't prevent the twelve Polyhex electrum supervisors from devouring the legendary cosmic rust at point 0728277 2 with engine cells to spare and…_

_..h..huh…what was that? M…must have sustained some serious cranial damage. It's even worse now…have to focus to keep my thoughts coherent…_

_But why bother…?_

_It's all over, now._

_I wish I had the power to fix this. I wish I could just warp us all back to Cybertron…but I can't. Couldn't, even if I had the power. Too far away…and I can't even transform, can't even hardly move…All I can do is drift…and wait to deactivate._

_I..wonder if Thundercracker feels the same way? I'll just as-_

_N.. no…forgot…sound don't carry in space…he can't hear me._

_Right, Thu-?_

_Aw…._

_Aw, no…_

_Not you, too…my friend…_

_Wherever you are now….I hope you're happy…_

_Just save a spot for me…will ya?_

_I really must be damaged….I'm leaking optic fluid…_

_Well…no use …I'll be with you soon enough, pal…_

_…_

_Guess that leaves just me…and Megs...he looks about the same…I know I'll go out before he does. He's just tough like that. Always was, always will be._

_Hey…he's looking around…he sees me._

_Just enough…for one more gesture…_

_a…ahh….arm…upward…elbow…bent…fingers….at…forehead…_

_A…simple salute, but…took all I had left..._

_It was an honor to serve you…mighty Megatron…_

_Can I let my arm go limp, now…? No choice, really…._

_He's staring at me…just staring._

_Looking over at the others…_

_Back at me…and I see him return the gesture, almost as slowly as I did…and he nods…_

_Looking out towards a nearby star now, just…watching it. Probably…thinking about the…future of the Decepticon…army…_

_What….have we fought for…? What…have we deactivated for…? Energon…? No…freedom. Freedom of speech…of movement, of being…of expansion…of self-betterment….that's the Decepticon way. I'm…proud…to…deactivate….for it…._

_It's….all…going…black….can't…hardly…see…_

_Just…stars….now….nothing….gone…_

_I…I'm so….exhausted…think…think I'll just…go offline….for a few…astro..seconds…_

_Goodbye…my…leader…fellow warriors…war…Cybertron…home…_

_Goodbye…….Thun….der…cra…k….r_

_Gues…….I'll………s…e…….…y……..s……o…..…o………..n….….._

_….._

_.._

_._


End file.
